I actually ended up having another attack last night, making that two in less than 24 hours. Again, I was downstairs by myself (I couldn't make it upstairs to my room so I was sleeping on the couch) but I was blessed with enough warning to be able to get to the floor and use my cell phone to call the house. I think Erica has taken a liking to my periodic paralysis as she always has a fun time using me as her ventriloquist doll during these attacks. Like any big sibling, she pulled out the, "why are you hitting yourself" routine, as well as a few others. She seems to have been born with a magical power because no matter what she's ever done to me that would potentially make me mad at her, it's impossible for me to feel that way. Instead, I end up laughing and wondering how she does what she does. She's amazing.
After this attack, I woke up, turned to my parents and said, "So when are we booking my flight to Hawaii?" Though I have made all of the arrangements to go back, my parents have made me wait to book my flight because of their hesitancy with my health. Hopefully the testing done in the next month will prove to be helpful in resolving this issue.
I want to keep everyone updated on my health, but I feel as though the last few entries have been real downers, so I'm going to also write about a few of the ways that my siblings have benefited from my health. My mother has a very strict rule of no eating on the carpet, but since I can't always make it to the table, I have the exception. To we kids, mama's blessing to eat on the carpet is like being able to drink from the Holy Grail. I have a little table next to the couch to keep some snacks and water on and Noah, my 13 year-old little rebellious brother, has decided to take full advantage of it. He keeps putting snacks on it so it looks like they're mine, and then eating them all. This afternoon I woke up to find a big bag of reece's pieces empty beside me.
Japhy, my 10 year-old brother, has been a saint. He helps me walk to the bathroom, bring me food and water, and comes and talks to me. He's my little angel. He's never seen one of my attacks, so last night, before all the excitement, I showed him a video mama shot of me having an attack in June. I talked to him about it, and he told me it was scary to watch. Sometimes I think it's harder for those around me to watch me go through what I do than it is to actually go through it, especially for my mama. I know she just wants to make everything all better, but in this instance, there's nothing she or anyone else can do.
Humans don't like to feel helpless or powerless, but in doing so, it allows us to turn to a Higher Power. Realizing the need for the help of a loving, merciful God, takes a lot of humility, but brings Eternal Strength. Just before I had my attack last night, I was reading The Living Christ, and I was enveloped with the tender love of a Heavenly Father. I was able to keep that peace all throughout my attack. I know that I will never go through an attack alone. Even though my human eyes cannot see the angels Heavenly Father sends to watch over me, I know they're there. I know that God lives and that He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to live and die for us, that we might live again. His love extends beyond any barrier and will never diminish. My faith gives me the strength to make it through these painful, scary attacks with calm. I know that through the Atonement, Crucifixion, and Resurrection of Christ, we have the power to do and overcome ALL things. I feel empowered through my trial. I think, "If I can do this, there isn't anything I can't do." While this trial has proven to be one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through, it's given me so much more than it has taken. I know that it has and will make me a person of greater strength, patience, faith, understanding, and love. How can you put a price on that?
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