Torro! Torro!

Some of the talents I posses: planning, organizing, determination, drive, ambition and the love of setting and accomplishing goals.  Once I set my mind to something I knock down every brick wall I encounter until I reach my desired destination.  Nothing can get in my way and any nay-sayings to my goal offered by others or doctors gets lost in the wind.  It's a very good trait to have and has served me well with all of the brick walls I've encountered with my health.  I approach them head-on and bull-dose right through each of them.

While this approach gets me far it's also incredibly important - and something I can definitely improve upon - to take the time to slow down, enjoy, and soak in all of the lessons and blessings that are in the present.  Sometimes all I see is the waving red cape and charge right at it without stopping to see the crowd or the roses they throw.  It's something that's hard for me.  Right now I am so completely focused on achieving my goal of being well enough to return to BYUH that I'm not having the right perspective and patience, the right peripheral vision if you will, with the lessons I'm supposed to be learning along the way.  I was reminded of that today.

I'm so anxious to get back to my life, to finally move forward.  I realized today that when I think from that perspective I'm defining "moving forward" and "having a life" in terms that aren't necessarily the most beneficial or insightful.  I do have a life and I am living it every second of every day.  Who's to say that the lessons I am to learn from the trials I am waging through right now aren't helping me progress in the grand scheme of things?  Certainly they are in a grand way.  I'm learning that even though much of my time is spent on bed rest I still need to slow down.  How crazy does that sound?

Perspective is a fluid concept that can and should be challenged and altered accordingly everyday of life.  If we're simply content with life and our beliefs - and I don't mean religious beliefs - the way they are, what fun is that?  Where's the growth?  Where's the development?  Where's the progress?  And what is life without progression?  Unfortunately progression cannot come without a few sturdy brick walls blocking the path.  But just as Randy Pausch said in his book, The Last Lecture, "Brick walls are there for a reason.  They give us a chance to show how badly we want something."  Boy, oh boy, do I want to be well enough to return to BYUH badly but I have to realize that shouldn't necessarily be my number one priority.  When I learn to put the little things first the bigger things will fall into place.  Day by day.  I need to keep my perspective broad and all-encompassing, not solely focused on the bright red cape just a few feet out of reach, enthralling me.