Don't Judge a House by Its Wheelchair

The past month or so my health has taken a sudden and drastic turn for the worse.  I've been in and out of the hospital and am back in a wheelchair.  It's been extremely difficult for me.  After six years with POTS I'm still battling it out every single day.  When is it going to end?  When is it - when am I - going to get better?  Sometimes it feels like it never will. . .

Blessedly, I have the most incredible and Christ-like roommates with the best sense of humor!  One roommate even wheels me to class and makes food for me to eat because she wants me to stay! I am truly loved.

Whenever I go through an extraordinarily difficult time, I try to figure out what it is that I am supposed to learn from it.  I secretly hope that if I can figure out whatever that trial is meant to teach me, then I can somehow make the trial end sooner.  It's a pretty good motivation to seek learning.  I've been praying every day to understand what it is I'm supposed to take from this recent and very unexpected health complication.  I was getting frustrated after weeks and weeks without getting any closer to an answer.  Then, it hit me.

It's not about my vessel, it's about being His vessel.  It's not about the state or condition of my body that matters, but rather, how I use it.  Life's all about overcoming the body, or natural man.  Looking past the physical and seeing the spirit within.  Apparently I need to lose the use of my body to understand how unimportant it is in defining who I am.  To realize how little my body and physical health have to do with my identity and worth.

 My body is only a vessel, a shelter for my spirit, and I am so much more than the house I live in.  Though the foundation may be cracked and the paint may be chipping from the walls, it can still be a house filled with warmth, love, and the Spirit of a merciful God.  It can still do much good in the lives of others, bringing them peace and comfort.  It can still provide others a shelter from the raging storms of this world.  My humble little house can still be a little piece of heaven on earth for those who frequent it.

So starting now, I'm going to work harder on not being focused on the state of my body, but more, focused on what I'm choosing to do with it.  It's not about how much you have, but what you do with what you've got.  And boy, oh boy, have I got some pretty tremendous things left inside of me!

I'm Back!

I can't believe it's already been almost a year since my last entry!  In May I went to an AMAZING treatment program at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota.  They were the hands and the mouth pieces the Lord used to answer my own prayers and the many prayers offered on my behalf.  My doctor there advised me to never again talk about my health to anyone.  I've tried diligently to follow all of my doctor's orders, but to this one I say, "Screw it!"

I've come to realize that while people now treat me as a person and not a medical condition, I am no longer able to reach out to and encourage and inspire others without referencing my Great Trial.  I can't sit back and keep my mouth shut anymore.  God gave me this trial and all the wonderful lessons and experiences that came with it so that I can use them to help others, not to pretend it never happened.

So here I am, back and ready to go!

I'm amazed at how much strength the Lord can give me each and every day.  I know without a doubt that as I turn to Him, He sends angels to uphold me up and ease my burdens.  God is so very giving.  While I am doing REMARKABLY better health-wise, there are still days and moments when I struggle.  Life is a great balancing act. 

There is one building I cut through each day on my way to campus from my apartment.  I have to climb up a staircase to reach the level of campus, as the school sits on a hill.  I push myself to always take the stairs, remembering all the times stairs weren't even an option for me  On days when I am struggling, as I slowly trudge up the final stairs, a life-size brass statue of Christ greets me.  On those days, I say to Him, "Help me Lord, I can't do this without You."  I can feel His love and support fill me and lift me up.  All things are made possible through our Savior.  He did not Atone and die on the Cross for only our sins.  No, He Atoned also for all of our trials, for all of our ailments.  I know Jesus Christ gave His life to help me through this one.  He gave His life to free me from the burdens I can no longer carry.  He gave His life so that I can live again with Him in His Home above.  I am never alone.  Neither are you.